I meant to do this every month... I really did but life and babies and just a lack of words have kept me quiet. I wanted to post an update thought more for myself than anyone to share where I am at because we don't talk about the postpartum period enough and because I need to take a moment to reflect and define how I feel. It is so easy to just go go go and then all of a sudden look back and realize you weren't actually feeling or living you were just doing... or maybe surviving and I don't want to do that this time I don't want Ophelia's entire first year of life to just be me in survival mode. So this is just a little update to share where I am at and how things are going... it isn't meant to be a guide or really a definition of motherhood for anyone else just my thoughts and experiences because motherhood can be isolating and lonely and I need to share this.. we all need to share this and stop going at it alone.
Read moreHolding Space PostPartum (Some Thoughts on Motherhood After Baby)
I spent the entire first month of Ophelia's life convinced I was dying. I didn't have any specific proof (except for a slightly suspicious lump in my left breast) but even though my husband, and doctor told me I was fine I spent everyday of her first month of life under a dark cloud. It wasn't that I wanted to be miserable, or even that I wanted to doubt the people around me but I couldn't stop the overwhelming panic and anxiety. I couldn't keep the loud voice in my head telling me again and again that I was not going to get to see my babies grow up at bay. And today I want to share this with you, because I don't think we talk enough about that first month postpartum and I think that needs to change.
Read moreThird Trimester Things (A Pregnancy Update)
We are only 10 days away from our due date and it feels like time to recap this trimester because fingers crossed there will be a sweet little baby here soon! I naively thought this trimester would be easy since coming into it I was feeling really good and had tons of energy BUT the closer we get to my due date the longer the days get, the less I am sleeping, and the more I am understanding people who told me the end really drags out... not to complain but I was totally wrong in my earlier hope that this trimester would just fly by! The good news is we are so close and I cannot wait to meet this little girl. Even Jessamyn tonight was talking to my belly and saying "Come on, Hold you" which was basically the sweetest ever!
Read moreSecond Trimester Recap (A Pregnancy Update)
All that to say though... I am getting so so so excited to meet this little one! Jessamyn has become so affectionate with my belly and even occasionally gives it kisses. We are all so ready to meet her and I can't wait to be a family of four.
Read moreMotherhood and Bus Life (Minimal Motherhood)
The truth though is I think no matter where you mother, motherhood is hard, and in a bus, a house, an apartment... whenever motherhood is universally a language we are all still trying to learn. Having only been a mother for two years I can't claim any level of expertise. I am not terribly patient, good at calming tantrums, or right now even remotely good at potty training. Living in a bus hasn't made these things any more or less real but it has taken the space we would normally have to live in and learn together and made it incredibly smaller and more personal.
Read moreFirst Trimester Recap (A Pregnancy Update)
I feel like so far this pregnancy has gone by so much faster than my first. It might be that we have been so busy moving into the bus and just with all these major life changes but I also think I am just less stressed this time. With my first pregnancy I took a pregnancy test everyday for like a week and with this one I just took one and called it a day. I haven't felt the same sense of urgency to have everything perfect, haven't been shopping for baby clothes, and have really just been less focused on being pregnant that I was last time.
Read moreWe are Expecting!!!!!! (Our Pregnancy Announcement)
And just like that we went from being a family of three to a family of four! it still kind of completely blows my mind a little. The one and only pregnancy test I took was in the bathroom at the gym, I had been feeling funny all week and figured it wouldn't hurt to check and oh my gosh... probably worst work out of my life after that I was in complete shock. Of course Ben was out with friends that night so I just text him a picture of the results lol not exactly a fun way to share the news but I wanted to let him know!
Read moreThe Aquarium (A Day at the Downtown Denver Aquarium)
Oh baby girl you are turning two and I don't even have words.... When you turned one it was easy, I had a clear purpose and direction. We threw a giant party, cake, food, all your favorite people.... I planned it out down to the minute. Two though, two snuck up on me. It came with a lot of words, mile stones, and so very many skills I can't even begin to list. And really how do you capture that essence and turn it into a party? A celebration big enough to really express all you have become in the past two years of your existence? I think the answer if I am honest is that you cannot, and we did not... so Instead it was the aquarium and then wings and fries for lunch because you basically exist off of fruit, chicken nuggets, and fries.... obviously.
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