Like most things these days this post is late... like two weeks late as our anniversary was actually the 7th BUT late or not I still want to share a few words. We met almost 6 years ago now... (actually almost 12 years ago but that is an entirely different story) We went to a concert together at the Summit Music Hall and then another, and then another... and now here we are. We have owned 2 homes, lived in 3 apartments, and had an innumerable amount of junk cars. In these past 5 years we welcomed two babies and loved the same old dog who is still hanging on despite several false alarms. We have fought, argued, said a million stupid things but also shared a love that for whatever reason (we have both admired we don't know exactly why) stubbornly held on through every single obstacle that has come our way.
After 5 years I can honestly say we have both been more horrible and hurtful than I think either of us would have anticipated on our wedding day.... but we are still together. Still doing this thing day in and day out and not because we have to. Neither one of us has any problem with getting a divorce if it came to that but we stay together because love, because for some reason we both agree we have something good and something worth hanging on to. 5 years of marriage has not given me the secret to a good relationship, if anything it has taken the overly romantic ideas I had about relationship and beat them to a pulp... it has washed away every sparkly idea I had about relationships and replaced it with something that I think is probably a bit better and definitely more durable. On our wedding day the pastor read from The Velveteen Rabbit about becoming real... and I can honestly say after 5 years I am starting to understand that real love is a process and not always a pretty one.
I am realizing that sounds a little intense so let me back up and say we have had a lot of amazing moments. We have traveled so many awesome places, pursued crazy dreams, and now have two beautiful little girls adventuring with us. We have gone on a lot of random sushi dates, watched more Netflix than I will ever admit, and stayed up way to late drinking whiskey and dreaming about the future. We have something good, something real, something that I hope will make it much further than 5 years. 5 years thought isn't something I take lightly... relationships are hard... like freaking ridiculously and painfully hard. We have made a lot of mistakes and both brought a lot of baggage into this 5 years of life together and it has not always been pretty but it has always been worth it.
So as we stumble into year 6 I am still believing it is worth it and knowing the parts that are rough now will probably smooth out... and yes there will be new struggles and arguments but there will also hopefully be so much more laughter and joy and good moments. We have a good thing... that is what we always come back to at the end of the day.. this is a good thing and even though it isn't the prettiest of marriages (though honestly whose is?) it is us and it is real and we are going to keep going. We have more dreams to pursue, more places to explore, and so much more to do with our babies. SO here is the messy, chaotic, beautiful life we have created and to so many more good moments in this process of becoming real.
“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'
'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.
'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'
'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
― Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit