We have this rose bush in our front yard... Every year it blooms the loveliest wild roses. We never water it, never trim it, and yet every year it is there wild and free. I know it is silly but in some ways I really respect this wild life and its tenacious return to our yard year after year. I don't know if someone planted it once upon a time to be a part of something greater but regardless it returns and fills our world with beautiful roses.
I feel like in so many ways I relate Jessamyn and motherhood to that wild rose bush. Jessamyn wasn't planned... she wasn't planted on purpose as part of a bigger dream. She was a bit of a surprise and through that our world has been filled with wild beauty and the kind of loveliness that only the wildest of rose bushes can bring. We love every last inch of her and wouldn't trade her for anything but on that same note there is this lingering question in my mind... do we have more kids? Or is our family complete as it is?
It seems almost silly asking that question... as if I can plan out motherhood (and at the same time how incredibly blessed I am to even have the option to consider whether or not to have another child.) but at the same time it is a legitimate question. Jessamyn being the wild one she is wasn't so much a choice as a beautiful happening in our lives.... but what now?
There are so many varying opinions out there on growing families and how many kids to have and this is not that post. This is more a heart felt question of when, and why, and all the fears that come with having a child. What if we just got lucky with Jessamyn? What if it changes our family dynamic in a bad way? What if we can't even have a second one? Is our family complete? I mean the list goes on and on and swirls into just a lot of anxiety and tension in our marriage.
I always thought deciding to have kids would be easy and never even considered that deciding whether or not for a second child would be one of the hardest decisions of our lives (and at the same time am grateful that this is what we consider a hard decision).
I don't have any answers... but I do know we have one very wild little love, who grew up whether we wanted her to or not and has filled our home with beauty. I suspect at the end of all of this no matter what we decide it will be enough and our family will be complete one wild rose or more.
I would love to know for you mamas out there with more than one little love when you knew it was time to have a second child? Or for those of you with only one child how you knew your family was complete?