Maybe its the fact that Ben's shift changed and I am now alone at night which has led to a lot of introspection, or that we put up the first real walls in the bus this week which has left me both excited and a bit emotional... either way I wanted to share some reflections and feelings as we enter month 6 of building this bus, our dream.
1. Building things takes time and anyone who is trying to tell you otherwise is selling something or scamming you. I remember back in June when we started this we thought we would be done by August. If anyone told me that December would come and we would still not be finished, have sold our house, and be living in one room in my parents house I would have laughed at them, but the truth is good things take time. Hard work, real quality, it all takes time and that is something I greatly underestimated.
2. Debt is no joke and being debt free is not something to take lightly. When we started this we had debt and thought we could finish the bus while still managing our debt. What we quickly learned is that debt is a serious burden and black hole and that for us the only way to live this dream without the added burden of monthly loans to pay off was to get debt free. No matter what ends up happening with the bus I will never regret our choice to pay off our debts and live within our means.
3. We as humans are unusually attached to our things. I wrote a whole blog post about downsizing HERE but seriously why is it so hard to let go of things? I have had panic attacks over downsizing and wondering if we will have enough room for all our stuff in the bus... which is ridiculous and something I honestly am working on but am still not there yet. Being a bit of a pack rat by nature this transition to boxes and then the bus has been challenging for me and really pushed my identity with stuff.
4. Marriage like building a bus is hard work and building a bus will point out all your weak spots, but if you stick together it will also help you build something beautiful. This past six months has been exciting but also incredibly stressful and our marriage has changed in so many ways through building this bus. Communication, bad habits, all of it comes out when you pick up your entire life to start over in 200 square feet... I wouldn't change it though. The closeness that has come through this is beautiful and I cannot wait until we are in the bus and can live out these dreams for real.
5. It takes a community... it really always does. In so many ways family, friends, complete strangers have come together to help us in this bus build. I can't even express how grateful I am for the community we have and even though we have experienced some craziness (like the RV fiasco) This community is beautiful and I am so grateful for all the help and support we have received through this build. Honestly I think having community has made the bus possible and not something to take lightly.
6. Toddlers are incredibly resilient. Whether it was helping me pack up our house, moving into my families house, spending long hours in a pack n play watching us build, Jessamyn has been amazing. Through each and every challenge of this journey she has been so amazing and helped us in so many ways. I was initially worried this choice of ours might hurt her but honestly looking back at the past 6 months she has been so strong and I cannot wait to see her little personality develop even more as we move in and adventure in the bus.
7. Home is a relative term. I have really struggled with living out of boxes this long and looking at a bus that quite frankly for a long time did not look much like a home. I blogged about home HERE but have really learned through this experience that home is more than things and even people, home is a choice and a reality based on so much more than windows and doors.
8. Dreams are worth reaching... goals are worth having. When we first bough the bus at a school auction I was terrified that we were making a mistake. When we sold our house and moved out I was sure this was the stupidest thing we had ever done.... but now as we are moving closer towards being in the bus I am realizing those fears though perfectly valid weren't enough and that dreams however scary or big are worth having and worth going for. You won't know unless you try and I have to say we are trying so hard and even though there have been many bumps and slight detours it has been so worth it to pursue our dreams.
So just a few thoughts for you on the bus build. There will be one more update coming to the blog this weekend and then I am shutting things down until the build is complete! We are so close and I cannot wait to show you the vision I have had in my head for so long of our little home one wheels! As always if you have any questions please comment below!